Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way —an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.

A truly poetic statement on the “human poetry” of love.  I am un-embarrassingly reminded of the first time my wife and I, perhaps then my girlfriend, watched the classic love story “The Notebook” after we had both read the book – it is the story of an elderly man suffering with his wife through her Alzheimer’s Disease as he shares the story of their younger years and passionate love story, rescued from the potentiality of never happening, to his children and grandchildren.  The reminder of that love in the past was enough to sustain his suffering in the present, as he watched his wife’s slow deterioration.  We will all face those days of deterioration in one way or another as we prepare to leave this life.  It is important to have those relationships now, those passionate love stories and deep relationships, to sustain us in our times of suffering.  That is truly the poetry of humanity.

Humor was another of the soul’s weapons in the fight for self-preservation. It is well known that humor, more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation….  The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living. Yet it is possible to practice the art of living even in a concentration camp, although suffering is omnipresent. To draw an analogy: a man’s suffering is similar to the behavior of gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the “size” of human suffering is absolutely relative.

To develop a sense of humor is, “some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.”  It is one of the most enjoyable, and necessary, aspects of being human and living a meaningful life.  For me in my clinical/coaching practice, it is often why I prescribe to couples struggling with connection, and individuals struggling with depression or existential angst, ANY tv, streaming, or Youtube show they can find that will make them laugh!  That is one of the ways modern technology has improved our ability to heal – with the opportunity to choose what we watch and listen to, we can choose to develop a healthy and meaningful sense of humor that will help us through even the most difficult times.

Additionally, the idea that “the ‘size’ of human suffering is absolutely relative,” is an important one.  Too often, I find individuals comparing their suffering to others – comparing their suffering to Dr. Frankl’s and they diminish their own experience as “not that bad”.  Although that may be true – maybe you don’t have it AS BAD as someone else does, your suffering is truly yours.  Comparing it to someone else is usually not very helpful, and only makes you feel “less than”.  Embrace your suffering.  Learn from it.  Grow from it.  Find meaning in it.  But there is no need, and little benefit, to compare it to other’s. 

From my notes on Man’s Search for Meaning

Take care,

Dan