Men, we’ve got a problem – many of us don’t know what it means to be a man.  We know it.  Our wives, girlfriends, co-workers, daughters, and female friends know it.  We’ve been getting some mixed messages for a while, and it hasn’t been easy – we can blame society, culture, media….

Whatever.

It’s time to stop looking for someone to blame, and time to take responsibility.

I just came back from a pretty intense men’s conference last night – so forgive me if this might be a little intense, maybe a little pointed.  On the other hand, if this stings a bit, maybe it’s something you need to pay attention to.  If you received this from your wife, fiance, girlfriend, daughter, female co-worker, then you definitely need to pay attention!

What Makes a Man?  (with thanks to Fr. Mike Schmitz)

Responsibility – for yourself, for those around you, for the moment.  It’s like he’s read my points on responsibility from Frankl, right?  Responsibility is the ability to choose to dig in and be present in the moment, not seek to run and escape.  To pay attention when others need us to listen, to not avoid the difficult times in life by drinking, using substances, or fantasizing into pornography.  Responsibility is choosing to be a hero and stand for what is right and to reject passivity.

Competence – choosing to become competent in some area in life; a willingness to grow, evolve, and lead.  Competence in learning to love your wife as your relationship changes.  Competence to lead your children when times are tough, and when times are good.  Competence to be a leading presence in your community.  Competence is continually training yourself to be of service to others.

Integrity – if Competence is the ability to do what you say you are going to do, Integrity is following through and doing it when you say you will.  It is doing the right thing when you don’t always feeling like it.  Want to develop integrity?  Here is a “moment of heroism” – when you set your alarm at night, set it for the exact time you want to wake up.  When it goes off, get up.  Something so simple will teach you to choose meaning, to choose life, to choose responsibility over choosing the comfort of staying in bed.

Service – men, “real men”, see others and ask how they can be of service, not how others can serve them.  They “love defiantly”, differently from what society and our consumption culture tells them.  They love their wives, partners, children, friends, co-workers, and community through action, through service.

Men.  This IS NOT easy.  We can support each other, or we can roll our eyes and go back to the way things used to be before reading this.  Those things that are most worthwhile, most meaningful in life, require action.  What will you do?

Check back next week – I’ll talk a little bit more about LOVE, and what that might really mean.  – Dan