I recently returned from a men’s retreat at southern Colorado’s Joyful Journey’s Retreat Center with a group of men I’ve come to know through Men’s Peer Groups.

I’ve been part of a Men’s Peer Group for a couple of years now, and I’ve written before about the importance of having people in our lives who know us beyond our professional titles, accomplishments, and the roles we play.

But there’s something particularly powerful about getting away from the demands of everyday life and spending intentional time with other men who are willing to look honestly at themselves.

For many men, that’s not something we do very often.

We’re pretty good at talking about work, sports, politics, our kids, and what’s happening in the world. We’re often less comfortable talking about our fears, insecurities, disappointments, relationships, and the questions that keep us awake at night.

And yet, after more than 25 years as a psychotherapist, I’ve become convinced that some of the most important conversations men need to have are the ones we’ve been conditioned to avoid.

One of the central themes of our retreat was an exploration of the four masculine archetypes described by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette in their book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.

The idea isn’t that men fit neatly into four personality categories. Rather, these archetypes represent different dimensions of mature masculinity that we are challenged to develop and integrate throughout our lives.

The King represents responsible leadership, wisdom, and the ability to create order and stability without becoming controlling or domineering.

The Warrior represents courage, discipline, healthy boundaries, and the willingness to act in service of something worthwhile rather than simply fighting for the sake of fighting.

The Magician represents insight, self-awareness, understanding, and the ability to step back and see beneath the surface of our experiences.

And the Lover represents connection, passion, appreciation, vulnerability, and our capacity to experience life and relationships deeply.

What I appreciate about this framework is that it challenges some of the narrow definitions of masculinity many of us grew up with.

A mature man isn’t simply strong. He also needs to be compassionate. He isn’t merely decisive. He needs to be reflective. He doesn’t just protect and provide. He needs to connect, feel, and love.

And perhaps most importantly, he needs other men who will help him recognize where he’s growing and where he still has work to do.

Our retreat also included opportunities for reflection and exploration involving plant medicine and psychedelic-assisted approaches to personal growth. As someone who has spent considerable time studying psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, I’m interested in the potential of these experiences to help people examine deeply held beliefs, emotional patterns, and questions of identity and meaning.

But I’ve also come to appreciate an important distinction: a profound experience is not the same thing as lasting transformation.

These approaches require thoughtful attention to preparation, safety, individual suitability, and integration. And no particular medicine or altered state of consciousness is necessary for meaningful psychological growth.

Ultimately, what matters is what we do with the insights we gain. Do they help us become better husbands, fathers, friends, leaders, and human beings? Do they change how we show up in the relationships and responsibilities waiting for us when we return home?

That’s where I see a powerful connection to Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy.

Meaning isn’t simply found in understanding ourselves more deeply. It is discovered in how we respond to life, the responsibilities we accept, and the people and purposes beyond ourselves to whom we commit.

And that’s one of the things I value most about Men’s Peer Groups.

The work doesn’t end when the retreat is over.

Our regular meetings create opportunities for continued honesty, accountability, encouragement, and growth. We challenge one another, support one another, and occasionally tell one another things we might not particularly want to hear.

Not because we’re trying to fix each other.

But because we recognize that none of us is finished becoming the man we’re capable of being.

I wish more men had this kind of community.

Not just a group of buddies to watch a game with or grab a beer, although those friendships matter too. I’m talking about men who know your story, recognize your struggles, celebrate your progress, and care enough to ask the difficult questions.

If that sounds like something missing from your life, I’d encourage you to learn more about Men’s Peer Groups at MensPeerGroups.com.

As I reflect on our retreat, I keep coming back to a simple question:

What kind of man am I becoming?

Not what have I accomplished, how much have I earned, or how strong do I appear.

But am I becoming wiser? More courageous? More compassionate? More connected? More responsible for the life I’ve been given?

Those are questions worth asking at any age.

And perhaps they’re questions we’re better equipped to answer when we have a few good men walking alongside us.

Here’s wishing you a meaningful week.

Until next Monday,

Dr. Dan