“But I just want to be happy – why can’t that just be easier?”

That was the statement from my teenage daughter during one of “those” discussions about life, the future, responsibility, success, etc.

I feel for her.  It can’t be easy – it wasn’t easy when I was her age, and now young adults have so much more pressure on them, it seems.

That, and it can’t be easy growing up with a psychologist for a father…

Because as she was saying this, my mind instantly went to one of my favorite ideas from Viktor Frankl

“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run—in the long run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.”

Followed by – “how do I help a 17-year old understand this without getting a smartphone thrown at me?”

We all just want to be happy, and most of us would like to experience success.  But they take work.  Work focused on something greater than ourselves, not on achieving success.  By looking to something greater than ourselves – something that inspires us, that motivates us, that allows us to express our creativity; or by giving ourselves to truly loving another person in their uniqueness and humanity – these are the things in life that allow us to discover meaning, and in that we find success, happiness, and a myriad of other positive experiences and emotions.

Or, in other words:

Work can bring you success.  An enjoyable career can make you happy and successful.  But it takes work to get there – it takes a series of responsible, meaningful decisions to achieve this greater goal.

Relationships can lead to happiness.  A healthy and meaningful partnership, perhaps marriage, can be blissful.  But it takes work.  And sometimes it’s not easy or fun.  But it can be one of the more meaningful experiences in our lives.

Travel, experiencing the world, being in nature, creating works of art and craftsmanship – they all lead to meaning, and from those experiences we can experience happiness and success.  But it takes work.  And that’s not always easy.  But I promise you, and my sweet daughter, it will be meaningful.

Want to discuss these ideas further?  Looking to discover meaning in your life?  Take a look at my course, “The Meaning Project: Logotherapy & the Psychology of Meaning” here – https://drdan.teachable.com/p/logotherapy-the-psychology-of-meaning

The first few lectures are free – take a look and let me know what you think.  – Dan