An integral component to any successful, healthy relationship is choice.  Relationships are ripe with opportunities to choose meaningfully, or otherwise.

In any marriage (relationship, partnership, etc.), a type difference (On the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI) may at times produce an outright conflict between opposite points of view.  When this happens, the partners have a choice.  One or both can assume that it is wrong of the other to be different – and be righteously indignant, which diminishes the partner.

They can assume that it is wrong of themselves to be different – and be depressed, which is self-diminishing.

Or they can acknowledge that each is justifiably and interestingly different from the other – and be amused.  Their amusement may be warm and attached, wry or tender, according to their types, but it will help in working out the situation and keeping intact each partner’s dignity and the precious fabric of their marriage (or relationship, or partnership).

From Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type by Isabel Briggs Myers with Peter B. Myers

I can tell you that, in my office, one of the greatest tragedies I witness is the refusal of one partner to find the other’s differences ‘justifiable and different’.  I find myself saying, many times, “different is neither good or bad, it’s just different.”  This refusal is often a choice – a choice of “righteous indignation”, or a choice simply to refuse the other’s unique individuality.

However, sometimes it is simply a lack of understanding – that is not tragic, but is actually fun to work with.  A willing couple who are open to explore each other’s differences – that’s what psychotherapists get out of bed for in the morning.  And that is one of the more enjoyable uses of the MBTI.

So, if you are interested in learning more about your type and/or your partner’s type, feel free to email me at DrDan@DanielAFranz.com – I’ve finally put together a nice, hopefully simple, rate sheet after navigating and simplifying the MBTI Company’s fairly extensive offerings.  Or, if you simply want to learn more about the assessment, check out The Meaning Project Podcast Episode Episode 8 – a very basic discussion of the MBTI before I went through certification training.