Really, this is good info for any parent, or someone who knows a parent.  These are my notes from a presentation to a group of Dads at a Daddy-Daughter Dance last weekend.  I hope you find them helpful.

“The world promises you comfort, but you were not made for comfort.  You were made for greatness.” – Pope Benedict 16th

Parenting is definitely NOT a comfortable enterprise – but hopefully you aspire to greatness.

Note from Dr. Meg Meeker’s “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters“:

Young girls

With fathers – male role models – present in the home, kids manage school stress better.  Girls whose father provide warmth & control (boundaries) achieve higher academic success.  Girls who are close to their fathers exhibit less anxiety and withdrawn behaviors.

Older girls

Parent connectedness is the number one factor in preventing girls from engaging in premaritial sex and substance use.  Girls with loving father are more assertive  Girls with fathers who are involved in their lives have higher math and verbal skills, and higher overall intellectual functioning.  Parental control (boundaries) and monitoring are the best deterrent against adolescent “misbehavior”.

21% of 12-15 year olds say their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents

8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids…

What our kids want: notes my daughters gave me when I asked them to help me with the presentation – with a little bit of “dad therapy” thrown in.

Acceptance – encourage who they are becoming, let them shape their own life. – within reason.  As parents, we also know the adolescent brain is “wired for self destruction” – there is a balance to be had in “letting them shape their own life” and setting boundaries and expectations.  Walking that fine line is called “parenting”.

Freedom and Space to grow – sometimes we just need a little space.

Honesty & trust – Honesty goes both ways, as does trust.

Opportunity to make mistakes – “we learn better from our own mistakes and natural consequences.”

Attention – just to listen and be taken seriously

Of course, one of my little philosophers threw this in to really get my attention:  “The perfect is the enemy of the good” – Voltaire.  Her point being that it is alright to have high expectations for them, but to recognize the good is just as important.

A few section headings explained from Dr. Meeker’s book:

You are the most important man in her life – act like it, set boundaries, be loving, giving attention.

She needs you to be a hero – what do heroes do?  They act heroic, they protect, they admit mistakes and overcome them, they have an ethos.

You are her first love – the way you treat their mother, your wife, other women is what she will seek in life.

Most days I can barely read this without tearing up – you should’ve seen me try to get through it to close the presentation:

“At the beginning of her life, she will feel your love.  At the end of her life, you will be on her mind. And what happens in between, is up to you.  Love her extraordinarily. This is the heart of great fathering.”

Like what you are reading here?  Looking for more?

I’ve just finished designing a course all about it – not just parenting, but ideas for a happy, healthy, meaningful life.  It’s called The Meaning Project: Logotherapy and The Psychology of Meaning.

If you are interested, I am offered 25% of the initial month of the program so you can get in and take a look and see what you think.  It’s full of audio and video lectures, personal growth oriented “homework” assignments, and a discussion forum to ask questions and compare ideas.  So far, those who have tried it have had really positive things to say – I hope you enjoy and find it helpful!

Just use the code MARCHLAUNCH to get the discount.  – Dan