“Then and there he understood that he is by no means merely the product of his childhood but the architect of his present destiny.”
One of the most common question I field as a psychotherapist is, “How did this event in the past affect who I am today?”, or “How will this event affect my child’s future?”
Now, there’s a lot of validity to the idea that what happens to us early in life impacts us later in life.
But it doesn’t have to define who we are. For all the trauma endured in the past, for all the “Adverse Childhood Experiences”, we can choose to do something different.
We can choose to search for meaning. We can seek guidance, help, and treatment. We can try to grow and to evolve past those experiences.
What happens in your past is a part of you. But it doesn’t have to define you.
“During consultations I have confirmed repeatedly and without exception that sad childhood memories, bad experiences, and humiliations suffered will be reactivated as psychological factors of interference if the present is unsatisfactory and the future empty. If one then attends to this emerged past by therapeutically “working it through” (as it is so neatly called) by X-raying and dissecting it, the past gains increasing importance, the present becomes less satisfactory, and the future appears to be more empty. This is a dangerous development.
If, however, the unhappy past is ignored in order to search the present for meaning and to fill the future with purpose, then the bitter memories will soon fade and they will mix with positive contents of the past, which also exist to constitute a fairly neutral life history.” – Dr. Elisabeth Lukas
If you are struggling to move past these experiences, I highly recommend the second half of Johann Hari’s Lost Connections – quite a few positive solutions there.
Take care.
– Dan
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