Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, forswears recompense from or punishment of the offender, however legally or morally justified it might be, and with an increased ability to wish the offender well.^[1][2] Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted for an acknowledged offense by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the release of resentment; it replaces the negative feelings often harbored toward offenders with neutral feelings, or in some cases, positive feelings. Forgiveness doesn’t automatically mean a reconciliation. We don’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone who has hurt us.

The act of forgiveness is first and foremost for ourselves. It lets us move on from the past instead of leading bitterness and anger to perturb our emotional well-being. Research bears out these benefits: Forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and guard against anger, stress, anxiety, and depression.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/forgiveness

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.

Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

What is the hardest kind of forgiveness?

We often think of forgiveness as being between two people – from one person to another.  From the one harmed to the one who offended.  For many, this can be a difficult and hurtful process, but one that hopefully ends in healthy resolution, possibly with the help of a trusted guide.

Lately, really over the past 25 years in the helping profession, I’ve noticed that self-forgiveness, the idea of forgiving one’s self for shortcomings, failings, mistakes, errors in judgement, or poor decisions, can be an even more difficult process.

All the forgiveness in the world from others will be meaningless unless an individual can forgive themselves.  As the above excerpts indicate, forgiveness is about freeing oneself from the harm done to them.  It’s not always about the other.  In self-forgiveness, it is about both.  Maybe that’s what makes it so difficult.

Where do you need to forgive yourself in life?  What kind of peace would come to you if you were able to do it?